Secrets and Lies
by kylleee
Summary: What is Rufus' reaction to the mysterious letter? And how will Rufus and Lily make it through another rough path in their relationship? Rufus/Lily all the way.


_This is just a little Rufus/Lily story about what happens to Rufus and Lily after he reads the letter. And my take on what's actually in the letter. Spoilers if you haven't seen episode 3.09, 3.11, and 3.12. Please read and review._

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Gossip Girl, nor do I own Rufus, Lily, Holland, Eric, Serena, or Cece.

XXXXX

Secrets and Lies

Rufus sighed. He couldn't believe what he had just read. He couldn't help but wonder why Lily always had a new secret kept from him every time they had just made up after fighting about another untold secret. He dialed a number he had never dialed before.

"Hallo?" a woman's voice said on the other end.

"Holland? I need to talk to you. Could we meet up for drinks?" Rufus asked, frustrated.

"Rufus? I didn't expect to hear from you. Sure." she replied, sounding oddly happy.

XXXXX

Lily returned home from the hospital with Jenny and Eric who had finally made up.

"Rufus?" she called as soon as she entered the big empty penthouse. No answer. She walked to her desk and saw the answer sitting right in front of her – the letter. He had seen it. She picked up the letter and sighed. How could such a little letter make so much trouble?

XXXXX

Rufus had arrived at the bar he was supposed to meet Holland at. He had already ordered a scotch when she walked in. She sat down next to him.

"Hi." she said.

"I think I need some advice." he replied, cutting right to the case. Holland smiled.

"Then I'm your girl." she stated. "What's up?"

"It's Lily. She keeps keeping secrets from me. I've been pretty tolerant with it until now but I just read this letter and found out she lied straight to my face at Thanksgiving, and made me think that the harmless story she told me was the thing she had been lying about all along. But it turns out to be something different entirely." Rufus explained.

"Well, that's just the beginning. Before you know it she's sleeping with her yoga teacher." Holland said, half-jokingly. Rufus didn't find it funny.

"Look, Lily is not like that. She had a tough upbringing and is still affected by the messed up values her mother passed on to her." he tried to defend Lily.

"I understand that, but you can't keep making excuses for her. Don't you realize she thinks you're just always there for her. She thinks she can do whatever she wants and you'll always forgive her."

"You think? I mean, it's true. I will always be there." Rufus admitted.

"You're way to sweet and tolerant. Show her you can be the man in the relationship too."

"Now you're implying I'm just some trophy again." Rufus said, a little annoyed, but still able to see where Holland was coming from.

"Rufus, I didn't mean it like that." she said in a soothing voice. She put her hand over his as to comfort him. He didn't mind actually.

"I know. I just can't believe her. What do you think I should do?" Rufus asked, looking her in the eyes. She paused for a moment just looking at him.

"I think you should just...give it some distance." she finally replied.

"Really? I shouldn't try to figure out what that letter actually meant?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Holland asked without even having read it.

"I-" he started. "I don't think so, actually. She probably has an explanation..." He was interrupted by his phone. The called-id said 'Lily'.

"Don't pick up." Holland said before he could press the button.

XXXXX

Lily was nervous. Why didn't Rufus pick up? Where was he? It went to voice mail and she sighed.

"Rufus, look. I know you read the letter and I can explain. I wanted to tell you before they called from the hospital. Just come home, please." she said and hung up.

XXXXX

Holland had made Rufus forget all about Lily's phone call, and they had been drinking and talking some more.

"I should probably get home at some point." Rufus suddenly said, and Holland looked disappointed. They started to walk home, since they'd pick a place close to their building. When they got in they saw Vanya. He looked at Rufus and Holland, confused.

"Mr. Rufus, Miss Lily have been calling you all night." he said.

"Thank you, Vanya. Goodnight." was all Rufus could say. All night? He thought it was only one call. They got in the elevator and he took out his phone.

"Wait, it's turned off." he exclaimed. "You turned it off?" he asked Holland.

"Well, yeah. I figured you needed some distance." she said innocently. The elevator stopped at Holland's apartment. "So...tonight was fun." she said.

"Yeah, thanks for the talk. It was really helpful." Rufus said and gave her hug. As he pulled away, Holland leaned in to kiss him, but he quickly took a step back. "Wait. Holland, I-" he began, but she interrupted.

"Sorry, I'm just-" she started. "It's just, my husband is cheating on me."

"I know." he said, and gave her another hug. "I'm sorry." he told her.

"Goodnight." she said and stepped out. As Rufus arrived to the penthouse, it was all quiet. Thank God, he couldn't really deal with Lily right now. He went to go to bed next to her anyway. The moment he saw her, he knew it was the right decision not to kiss Holland. She looked so beautiful sleeping like that. Though he could see the worry on her face.

"Will I ever figure you out, Lil?" he whispered in a moment of weakness, his voice full of affection. Then he went to sleep.

XXXXX

As Rufus woke up he remembered last night's events. Holland holding his hand, trying to kiss him and turning off his phone. Maybe he should have just kissed her? What if Lily had been cheating with Serena and Eric's father? Rufus hated him so much. He couldn't believe Lily had gone to see him. Reluctantly, he got up and went to the kitchen. Lily was there by the counter, coffee and paper in hand.

"Good morning." she tried hesitantly. "Did you get my messages last night?"

"I didn't listen to them." Rufus replied honestly.

"I understand why you're upset. Just let me explain."

"It seems pretty clear. I read the letter." he pointed out.

"It's not. You know my ex-husband. He's not the most honest person on the planet." Lily reminded him.

"And you're the one to talk?" he asked sceptically.

"I know I'm not either." she said.

"Look, let me wake up and get a cup of coffee before we get into this whole mess, okay?" Rufus asked, annoyed.

"Of course. I'll go take a shower." she stated. He sighed and took a sip of his coffee.

XXXXX

Once they were both dressed they sat down in the couch, both armed with another strong cup of coffee.

"So, let me hear it. And if you don't mind, could you give me the whole truth this time?" Rufus asked sarcastically. Lily gave him a look, but began.

"This summer when I was with Cece, I found out that Serena was trying to find her father. I figured it out because she acted out so much in Europe..."

"Wait, you knew about all her rebellions? And here I was trying to solve it." Rufus interrupted.

"It's not like I was on the moon or something, I have connections." she explained. "But good thinking buying up all the photographs. I really appreciate you taking care of the family while I was away." she added.

"Go on." Rufus said, motioning so with his hand.

"Right. I didn't want Serena to meet her father, so I contacted him to let him know. I then started paying him for ignoring her. I knew if they met he would at some point hurt her like he hurt us all years ago. You know him, not exactly reliable." Rufus nodded, trying not to interrupt and to let her explain. "All of a sudden I couldn't get a hold of him anymore, and Serena's efforts became more and more obvious. I was afraid of what he might do. So when Cece got better at the end of August, I decided to go find him. I lied to you because I knew you wouldn't approve of me meddling into other people's lives like this."

"Lily, you can't just-" Rufus began, frustrated that she had never learned that honesty always paid off.

"Just let me finish." Lily begged, interrupting him. He motioned his hand for her to go on. "It wasn't easy to find him so it took me about a month. But I succeeded in doing so before Serena. I met him at his hotel room at the time, since he is always on the go. I told him to stay away from my daughter and threatened him with some dirt I have on him from his past. And I got rid of him. So I thought. Until the night of Cotillion when the letter arrived for Serena. In the letter he makes me look like the bad person, and also implies that something happened between us in the hotel room – at least that I wanted there to. But you know all that, you read it. So after reading the letter, Serena was supposed to hate me, and therefore come seeing him with out my finding out. Just stupid of him to send it to my address then. I obviously didn't want Serena to see it, so I hid it. In the safety box she has the combination to. So she found it, and somehow it ended up in the wrong coat pocket with Maureen, and she used it to blackmail Serena. I then wanted to tell you before it got anymore out of hand. The hospital called, and you know the rest." Lily paused. "That's it." They sat there in silence for a while.

"This is some story, Lily." Rufus said, mixed feelings in his voice. "I just need some air, okay?" he continued, grabbed his jacket, and got on the elevator. Lily sighed, and wondered if he was going to forgive her this time.

XXXXX

Rufus returned looking a little less confused, a little more angry. Lily approached him.

"Rufus. You have got to understand, this had nothing to do with us. We're still the same. I meant everything I said on our wedding day." Lily started, frustrated and scared.

"How can you even say that, Lily? When your married, everything has to do with the both of us. I know you didn't have the most trustworthy husbands in the past, but when will you learn that it doesn't pay off to lie?" he asked, raising his voice.

"I don't know, Rufus! I'm so sorry for everything." she said, tears welling up in her eyes. "I-" she began, her voice weak. "You know I didn't cheat on you, right?"

"Yes." Rufus said, calming down a little bit. He got up and walked around the living room for a while.

"Look, I'm really trying. You know how I was freaking out about our wedding? I'm new at this kind of marriage." she got up to, and walked toward him. "I know I shouldn't make excuses for myself, but suddenly I'm married to the man I love. It's terrifying. I'm so afraid to do something wrong, and for you to break my heart. I feel so vulnerable."

"Lil." he said, softening up. "That's human. We're all vulnerable, especially when we let ourselves love. We have a better chance of making it if you would just stop lying!" he got worked up, and almost yelled again. "Don't you get it? It's not the first time something like this has happened. The last time it almost broke us up!"

"I know. I didn't lie when I told you yesterday, that I didn't know what I would ever do if I lost you. I love you so much it's scary. It makes me do stupid things." Lily half-yelled and half-cried. She turned her back at Rufus to wipe her tears away.

"Lil." he said approaching her with a look that expressed a lot of mixed feelings, but most of all affection. She turned around, and their lips were drawn to each other with a power stronger than any of them. They didn't attempt to fight it, and kissed each other hungrily with a kind of passion and desire neither of them had ever experienced with anyone else. They stumbled up the stairs to their bedroom, clinging to each other as if their lives depended on it.

XXXXX

"I'm sorry about yesterday too, you know. I know you're not some kind of trophy husband." Lily smiled, looking up at him. They lay in bed, Rufus' arms around her. "I will go to those meetings in the future."

"That's okay, we can take turns. I actually met this nice woman called Holland." he half-joked. Lily grinned in the way she only does when alone with Rufus.

"Watch out for her, I know her." Lily smiled knowingly. Rufus laughed and leaned in to kiss him.

"I will. No more secrets and lies though?" Rufus asked, smiling at her beautiful wife.

"No more secrets and lies." she promised, looking him in the eyes.


End file.
